m0nkey

  haha. i watched bad l0ve ( a k0rean drama) n dere was dis guy hu said dat life ish a maze. h0wever, t0 walk 0ut 0f a maze, juz f0ll0w de left wall. a maze ish n0t juz wandering n praying f0r an exit t0 appear. juz lyk us, we shudn't juz wander ab0ut in 0ur life. dere shud be a directi0n. haha. actually, wad t0 expect in life? all ppl die. n0 matter h0w well dey did in their life, dey die. wad d0 dey gain? nth. wad d0 dey leave behind? f00t prints? hm...n ye, d0 n0t cherish anytin in life. de m0re u cherish anytin, de m0re u wun wan t0 leave. but, n0b0dy can stay alive f0rever. c?

i wud lyk t0 share dis lyrics but it's in chi. sh0, sry t0 d0se hu dun understand chi. heh heh. it rly represent h0w i feel. haha. dun haf t0 waste my tym typing heh heh.

下雨天了怎么办 我好想你 
不敢打给你 我找不到原因 
为什么失眠的声音 
变得好熟悉 

  haha. we usually hear dat ppl change f0r s0me0ne dey lyk. but wy change? if he lyk u, he shud accept wad u r. if u change, dat wun be u. we shud accept ppl f0r wad dere r. human beings dun behave in de same way. dats wad make everyb0dy unique. imagine everyb0dy changes t0 be lyk s0me superstar, it's lyk havin de same pers0n wid diff l00ks. haha. i said dis c0z t00 many ppl wans me t0 change. wads wr0ng wid t-shirt n jeans? i lyk it. sh0 wad if n0b0dy appreciate me? i dun live f0r anyb0dy. i live f0r de end 0f my life.

  juz be wad u r c0z u r unique! wahahaha 

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Err0r. Unkn0wn viruses.

  fairytales r bad f0r children. dey make dem believe dat prince n princess exist. but when dey gr0w up, dey wil realise dat de prince n princess d0 exist, but, dey r n0t de 0ne. dey wil haf t0 witness de real prince n princess living happily ever after. wy isit dat prince muz 0waes g0 wid princess? ish dere rly s0metin as 'live happily ever after'?

  haha. but im n0t sh0 dumb as t0 believe dat dere r prince in dis w0rld. 0r maybe i shud put it dis way, dere's n0 prince hu bel0ngs t0 me. maybe de w0rld ish filled wid prince n n0ne 0f dem bel0ngs t0 me. maybe i shud grab h0ld 0f de beggar dat walk past me. haha.

<calm>

   haha. t0day my pian0 teacher t0ld me dis, it's n0t de results dat rly matters. it's de j0b u get when u leave sk00l. ye. quite true. haha. h0pe dat dis ish rly true. it's n0 use blaming anyb0dy. n0t de lecturer n n0t myself. aiya. i shud juz f0rget b0ut everytin. dats de 0nly ting i can d0 n0w, isnt it? haha?

  2 m0re weeks t0 sk00l re0pen. i hate it. i rly d0. i had nvr hate it m0re den n0w. wasting 0f eff0rt. im n0t sure if i can put in sh0 much eff0rt anym0re. disapp0intment makes 0ne exhausted. t00k all my c0urage n passi0n f0r de c0urse. 

<0vercast>

  haha. a new day! treat everyday as ur last day n u wun waste dat 24 hrs. it wasnt easy t0 f0rget b0ut s0meb0dy. but i did it. at least, i acheived s0metin in life.

  i w0rked hard during de past past five mnths. i rly did. i sacrificed a l0t 0f tings bc0z 0f h0mew0rk. i racked my brains t0 l00k f0r ideas. spent m0ney 0n materials. i rly wan t0 d0 well. i juz wan t0 pr0ve t0 de 0thers dat i can d0 it. but wad? haha. disapp0inting results. im rly tired. it's 0nly de fers semester. can i survive thru de next 5 semester? i juz wan t0 pr0ve myself! dun feel lyk c0ntinueing anym0re. m0re eff0rt, m0re disapp0intment. maybe i shud juz lead a n0rmal life. life wid0ut happiness, sadness, disapp0intment, h0pes, g0als. maybe dis ish de g0al 0f my life. at least f0r n0w, it ish.

<windy>

  haha. i did my very very best t0 make my mum happy. she ish de VIP in my w0rld. as u n0e, when u l0ve a pers0n m0re den he/ she l0ves u, u wil get nth but pains. my sis has 0waes d0ne better in me. in her studies. fr0m kindergarten, she has t0pped de class. it was til pri 1. but she g0t 2nd in pri 2. pri 3, she g0t int0 de best class. pri 5 t00. PSLE, she g0t 256. f0r me? i've nvr t0pped de class. nvr g0tten int0 any best class. PSLE sc0red 0ver 10 marks ll0wer den my sis. u n0e h0w bad it feels t0 0waes l0se t0 s0me0ne y0unger den u? rly bad. u wil c h0w ur parents praises her, enc0urage her. i nvr g0t d0se praises. nvr. wy? i tried my best t00. rly. i tried. dey nvr realised. nvr.

  my mum wud 0waes say, w0w, l00k at ur sis, she's sh0 clever. c0z her results r higher den all my c0usins. 0f c0urse, mummy, u can be pr0ud 0f her. but, can u dun d0 it infr0nt 0f me? dun tell dis t0 me. it's n0t lyk i wan t0 l0se. 0ne wil nvr wan t0 l0se. d0 u understand? i cried f0r days after gettin my '0's results. d0 u n0e? u said nth. after all dis, i m numb. but mummy, i juz wan u t0 realise dat i feel terrible. i h0pe dat i wun d0 anytin bad anyday. im c0nt0lling. but mummy, dun w0rry. i wil stil try all dat i can t0 make u happy. til de last sec i haf 0n earth. c0z i rly l0ve u.

<windy>

  i t0t i was satisfied wid my life. i t0t a smile wud drive away all de s0rr0ws. i t0t.

  my dad. he l0ves my sis, much much m0re. u t0t i was tinkin t00 much? my mum tink sh0 t00. my hallucinati0n? p0ssible? hah. my mum 0waes sc0ld me f0r t0kin back t0 my dad. but, i rly cant help it. when i c him, i rly feel awkward. i wil remember h0w he sc0lded me when it wasnt my fault. he lyks t0 say: u shud teach ur sis, give in t0 her. she ish y0unger. she d0esnt n0e anytin. he t0ld me dis when i was 5 yrs 0ld, my sis 3 yrs 0ld. he t0ld me dis again when my sis was 5 yrs 0ld. wy isit dat my sis ish 0waes y0ugn n ign0rant? im 0waes de 0ld hag in his eyes? my sis can err. i cant. dun be sh0ck when i tell u dat he said dat t0 me even n0w.

  g0in t0 p0ly ish de biggest mistake in my life. u wil c de diff in my dad if u had kn0wn him earlier. dis r stil bearable t0 me. c0z it's bec0me a habit t0 accept all dis. but de m0st unbearable ish, he wans t0 pretend dat he cares. i sensed it. hah. but wad t0 d0? i shud c0unt myself lucky dat he's stil willing t0 bring me up. i stil 0we him a 'thank y0u'. dad, thank u f0r bringing me up, thank u.

<cl0udy> 

  public h0l! w00h00! nakata, j0, sx n ethel went ecp t0 cycle. dey asked me 0ut. i rejected. wy? haha. dey r all in jc! wad can i say when i g0 dere? f0rms? mat? c0l0urs? i wun even n0e wad dey r t0kin b0ut. haha. 0h. maybe i shud g0 wid dem n play djmax! maybe i wud be lvl 100! haha. 

  juz t0ld nakata dat my g0al was crashed, n0t 0nly my dream. she asked me wich ish w0rse. i said, g0al 0f c0urse. dream isnt realistic. but g0al ish wad u rly wan t0 acheive in life. but my results juz crashed my g0al. haha.

<-_->

  went t0 changi airp0rt wid nakata! haha. went t0 haf sakae buffet. w0a! rly full eh. burp. heh heh. we sat dere f0r 2hr 27mins. ate 4 plates 0f sushi, 0ne ud0n n 2 m0chi. difficulty in digestin de f00d. burp.

  arghhh. juz g0t t0 n0e my results. very sad. damn sad. disapp0inted. grr.

  haha. yay! i f0und dat dis ish de fers day i felt nth when he came in mind. dats de way, xinyi! yay! it was said dat if u hate s0meb0dy, u stil feel s0metin f0r him. but n0w, i dun lyk him n dun hate him! w00h00! i felt nth! w0a! sh0 happy! rebirth! presentin t0 u, de new ME! haha. lame.

  felt dat i had been wastin my life 0n dis. hm. wan t0 d0 s0metin m0re meaningful. i cant be a great pers0n in life (0f c0urse i n0e!). but i h0pe dat i wun be s0me0ne useless t0 dis w0rld. ur may l00k d0wn 0n me. it's 0ki. th0 it may juz be pickin up a piece 0f litter 0n de fl00r, dis ish 0s0 a way t0 help. as l0ng as we dun be de 0ne hu litter. haha.

<=) heh heh>

  haha. f0rg0t t0 p0st ytd sh0 decided t0 p0st 2 t0day! hm...it has been 11 days lerh. n0t as bad as de fers few days. everytin seems t0 be better. h0wever, its lyk de earth. many ppl say dat de sun rises every m0nrning n sets during evening. n0 matter h0w life ish miserable, de sun rises. but dats n0t true. de sun d0esnt rise. its de earth. de earth, n0 matter wad happens, it wil rev0lve r0und de sun. de sun d0esnt nid de earth. but de earth nids de sun. n0w, de sun bec0mes t00 h0t f0r de earth. gl0bal warming. hu t0 blame? de earth. sh0 wad d0es dis mean? dun be t00 persistent. insisting 0n s0metin might 0nly get urself burnt. haha. dere r t00 many tings in dis universe f0r us t0 disc0ver. u haf t0 g0 thru s0metin t0 get s0me the0ry 0f life. dats de price u haf t0 pay, nth ish free!

<-0.0->

  w0a. sat. sc0rchin sun. h0t. my mum said my dad ish n0t feelin well sh0 cnnt g0 0ut t0day. haha. b0ring sia. wad can i d0? haiz.

  dere r t00 many tings wich r unacheivable in dis w0rld. wy persist? it ish tiring, tym c0nsuming, disapp0intin. juz be happy wid wad u haf c0z dis w0rld ish dat unfair. dun get jeal0us when s0meb0dy gets wad dey wan n u dun. u r juz unlucky, lyk me. but u stil can survive. at least g0d gaave u all de basic needs f0r u t0 survive. u n0e wy? c0z he wans t0 c h0w much u can stand, wads ur max. dun s0und g00d? but dats wad life ish b0ut. try l00kin at de sky. each star represents 0ne disapp0intment made t0 u. de g0d ish tryin t0 make it up t0 u by markin it in de sky. dats wy each ppl c diff n0. 0f stars in de sky. remember, dun be happy when u c stars. 

  practice makes perfect. since n0b0dy ish perfect, sh0, im n0t g0in t0 practice! 

<wahahaha>

  5th day 0f h0lz! 0mg 0mg. tym passes rly fast! w0a, h0pe dat my mum dun haf t0 w0rk. haiz. 2ml stil haf pian0 less0n. sianz. havent been watchin ker0r0 f0r a l0ng tym le, miss it but dun feel lyk sittin in fr0nt 0f de small screen. haha.

  didn g0 f0r de trainning t0day. h0pe dat de lady fr0m tcc wud n0t call me. n0 excuse eh. haha.

<00ps =P>